Alice Evans, a podcaster and disability advocate, chose adoption to start her family. In this interview, Alice highlights her positive decision to adopt, the challenges and triumphs of adopting as a disabled person, celebrating resilience, love and the rewarding experiences of parenthood on World Adoption Day.
Alice Evans is a podcaster and disability advocate working in the charity sector living in the East Midlands. She has the genetic eye condition retinitis pigmentosa (RP) and uses a guide dog. She is co-host of the lABLEd podcast, a show about disability, illness and difference, which recently launched its new series.
Alice and her husband made the positive decision to adopt in part because of Alice’s disability but also to be able to give a loving home to a child.
Five years and a global pandemic later, Alice and her husband were finally matched with a newborn baby boy whom they first fostered in early 2023. After many more months of legal procedures and paperwork, they eventually became his adopted parents in August 2023.
The decision of adoption
Alice always knew she wanted to become a parent. Even as a child, she pictured parenthood as part of her future. However, the idea of adopting didn’t cross her mind until her late teens, when she met a friend with a genetic heart condition. This friend shared that carrying a child wasn’t an option due to her condition, as it could pose serious risks for both her and the child. Adoption was, for her, a proactive decision rather than a last resort. This conversation gave Alice a new perspective, as adoption had often been presented to her only as an option for those unable to have biological children.
Alice said: “It was something that had never been put to me as an option like that. You only see adoption in the movies and on TV as a kind of last-ditch effort for people who can’t have children. My friend had obviously hadn’t and been trying to have children and there was a possibility that she could have successfully become pregnant or that she could have used surrogacy or something. But I can remember thinking at the time I’d never seen it as a positive first option.
“In many ways, my condition is very different from her condition. But my condition is genetic and that was always something that worried me as I got older. Not because I wouldn’t want to have a visually impaired child but because I know from my own experience how painful ableism and discrimination can be. I just couldn’t bear the idea of seeing my child go through that too and knowing that it was in part because they had inherited my condition.
Ultimately, adoption became a natural and straightforward decision for them, allowing Alice and her husband to pursue parenthood with the peace of mind that they were creating the best possible environment for their future family.
Alice continued: “My husband is a very logical, intelligent person, and so when we first met, one of the first things he did was do a huge dive into understanding my eye condition, how it works, what the implications were for the future and things like that. It was something that, for both of us, it was an easy decision to make.”
The adoption journey
Alice and her husband’s adoption journey took an unusual path. From the outset, their experience was different from the typical adoption process. Alice researched extensively and learned that there were two main routes for adoption in the UK – through the local authority’s social services or voluntary adoption agencies, which offer national support.
Alice’s experience with the local authority was discouraging. She said: “I had a very bad experience with my local authority when I rang them up to inquire about the adoption process and post-adoption support particularly. I said to them that I’m a disabled person looking to adopt and asked what their process was for that. The person on the phone said to me, ‘Well, whether you’d be able to adopt would depend on how bad your disability is’. It basically told me that being disabled would imply that I might not be able to parent. And so it was quite an easy decision again to go, ‘Well, you don’t sound like you are very inclusive at all’, so I’m going to go to this voluntary agency.”
Once they began the process with the voluntary agency, they faced further obstacles. Their initial social worker expressed scepticism about Alice’s abilities, requiring her to demonstrate basic parenting tasks, such as bathing and feeding a baby, something not expected of non-disabled applicants.
Alice found this frustrating and admitted she felt apprehensive about this request: “This was hard in two ways because, first of all, I couldn’t stand up to them and say, ‘Well, I will be capable of doing all of those things because I will get support and just because I’m blind, it doesn’t mean I can’t parent.’
“However, I didn’t feel able to do that because I didn’t have the evidence myself. It was something I was nervous about in some ways. I had no comprehension of how you bathed the child. I knew that blind parents, millions of blind parents all over the world, do it every day. I also knew that if I was having a child biologically, nobody would question my abilities. There wouldn’t be people standing in the maternity ward holding my legs together and saying, ‘You’ve got to prove you can change this baby’s nappy before we let it out’, so that was difficult.”
“It was also really difficult finding a baby to prove my abilities with. I didn’t have many close friends with children and so it was very hard for me to say, ‘Hey, can anybody lend me a baby for the afternoon so my social worker can watch me clean up its poo?’ Practically, it was really difficult to do.”
Eventually, their original social worker left and a new social worker suggested Alice attend a support group for mothers, where she gained the hands-on experience needed to satisfy the agency’s requirements.
Alice continued: “I did go down to one of those groups and there was a single mum with twins in that group, so me being on hand was actually almost supportive for her to have.
“I was able to do it eventually, but it was a difficult part of the process, especially when not every prospective parent had to do it. I think it started to highlight to me from really early on that question of, ‘Is this a fight worth having? Is this something that I want to keep putting myself through to become a parent?’”
The adoption application was lengthy and invasive, requiring Alice and her husband to disclose personal histories and understand the different circumstances of children awaiting adoption.
After two years, Alice and her husband were finally approved and began considering profiles of children. However, their voluntary agency unexpectedly closed its local branch, eliminating the support they had chosen it for. This forced them to start over with their new local authority despite the years already invested.
Unfortunately, the pandemic struck soon after, delaying their move and extending the process further. It wasn’t until May 2022 that they were finally re-approved. Realising they needed time to prepare mentally, they requested a short break before actively searching again.
In December 2022, they received a call about a newborn in need of a home. Initially, they fostered him while waiting to begin the adoption process. Over the following months, they documented his daily care and went through numerous meetings to formalise the adoption. In early August 2023, they were officially recognised as his parents.
Parenting with a visual impairment
Alice explained her overall feelings about being a parent: “It’s been a little bit bizarre. I’ve been so busy but I also feel like I’ve not done anything. As he’s got older and he’s sleeping through the night and things like that, it’s better. But those first six to eight months, I was just keeping it together in terms of how much sleep I was getting.”
She added: “It has also just been incredible. Every day is just wonderful. It’s such a cliché, parents are like, ‘You don’t understand until you’re a parent,’ but it is wonderful in a way that I find it really hard to articulate. The closest I’ve ever come to trying to help people understand how special it is, that baby makes me laugh every day and he makes me smile and feel so full of love every day. Even when he’s kicking and screaming for no reason, even when he won’t go to sleep, throwing up, or snotting. Even then, there’s still a flame of, like, he is just incredible and every minute that I’m with him is special, even if it’s changing his nappy.”
Alice has admitted she does sometimes face some practical challenges caring for her son with a visual impairment:
“The practical challenges of being a visually impaired mum came in places that I hadn’t necessarily expected. Yes, spoon-feeding is inevitably messy when you can’t see your baby’s face and there have been times when I’ve put him in the bath in the middle of the day because it’s easier than trying to clean him off with baby wipes.
“My husband does most of the feeding because he’s sighted. I’m very fortunate that my husband works from home full time. So when I have needed him for explosive poo emergencies, I can just get him.”
She added: “But the thing that is the hardest is not being able to read to him. My son loves books. One of his first words was “book” and he brings his little board books over for you to read with him. I’ve made an effort to spend some time using an electronic reader to learn some of his books by heart – because of his age, the books are all only six or eight pages long and each page usually only has one or two lines of text so learning them isn’t too difficult. But it’s time-consuming and takes repetition to actually be able to recall the rhymes and stories when I’m sitting with him in his bedroom without my reader to hand.
“However, the hardest part is that I just can’t keep up with his demand for new books. He gets bored of reading the same five or six books that I’ve memorised and starts to bring me new, different books. Books I can’t see and haven’t learnt.
“And although I can sit and turn the pages with him, I can’t even see the pictures well enough to point out the different animals or take a guess at the story. I find it really upsetting. I want to encourage his love of books. I love reading myself, but at times like that, when he’s looking at me with expectation, pointing at things on the page that I can’t see, I feel so frustrated and sad.”
“If we go to the park, I find that really difficult because I can’t keep an eye on him. I can’t necessarily keep an eye on all the other children that are milling around, either. I’ve been at soft play and knocked toys over because I didn’t see them. Again, that’s really difficult.”
Alice’s journey is a powerful reminder that resilience and love can overcome even the toughest challenges. Her story encourages us all to reconsider adoption as a positive, intentional choice. If you’re inspired by Alice’s story, consider exploring adoption or supporting organisations that help make adoption more accessible and inclusive for everyone.
Follow Alice Evans on Twitter and listen to her on the lABLEd podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.
Top resources for learning about adoption in the UK
If you’re interested in learning more about adoption in the UK, here are some resources to get started:
1. Local Authority and Voluntary Adoption Agencies: Local councils and agencies like Barnardo’s and Adoption Matters offer adoption services, information sessions, and resources for prospective adoptive parents. Reaching out to your local authority is a good starting point to learn about specific processes and support in your area.
2. Adoption UK: The charity Adoption UK offers comprehensive information, resources, and support for adoptive families, including advice on the adoption process, parenting tips, and support networks.
3. First4Adoption: A government-funded service, First4Adoption provides free resources on adoption and offers information on the process, eligibility, and support options in England.
4. CoramBAAF: This charity supports professionals, agencies, and adoptive families in the UK. CoramBAAF provides resources for adoptive parents, including publications, training, and guidance.