With the festive season building up, freelance writer Taylor draws on personal experience to offer practical, compassionate guidance for people navigating Christmas with dietary restrictions, medical needs, and sobriety.
As someone with Gastroparesis (GP), I have a VERY complicated relationship with food. I love eating, cooking and trying new things. I also cannot eat most foods. I can get really unwell after eating. I have been dealing with chronic malnutrition for years. Gastroparesis is more than just stomach pain, nausea and malnutrition. GP is also more than waiting lists, scans or the disgusting, oily nutrition drinks.
It is the grief that comes with being unable to eat your favourite meal. It’s not knowing what to do on date night because you can’t just go out for a meal. I think we sometimes forget that eating is one of the most basic human functions. So much of our lives and culture is based around food and mealtimes. Having that taken away from us will never be easy.
The Christmas period can be a difficult one—so much of it is intertwined with food and eating. It is natural for your existing struggles and feelings to become much heavier. This article offers solidarity and some advice from my own lived experience.
Letting your family know about your dietary restrictions
Christmas looks different for everyone. If you are planning on spending it with your family, you may want to inform them of your dietary restrictions and medical needs. Letting them know in advance gives them time to plan and accommodate your needs. It also means you can problem-solve together. The amount of detail or context you give is entirely up to you. Here are some points to consider bringing up:
- My medical conditions and the main symptoms
- What I can or cannot eat, recommendations of specific brands you know are safe.
- How I will act during a meal (e.g. small portions, different foods or sitting at the table with no food at all)
- Basic instructions: “Please don’t offer me alcohol,” or “I need easy access to a bathroom.”
- Emergency info: e.g where Epi pens or nausea meds are.
Giving this information in advance takes a lot of pressure off you on the big day. It gives your family time to process the information and do their own research when relevant. This will not prevent unwanted and invasive questions or comments, but it can make it a lot easier for you.
Understanding your limits and the “dignity of risk”
I should preface this section by stating that you should listen to medical experts and your own body. Even if you have the same conditions as I, it does not mean it will automatically be safe for you. If you are unsure, always seek medical advice. “Dignity of risk” is a term used in some academic and political spaces. It is the idea that disabled people should be allowed to make choices and take risks. It values bodily autonomy above everything else.
In my personal experience, I get stomach pain and nausea after I eat. As horrible as these symptoms are, sometimes I am willing to take that “risk” and still eat those foods. It can be extremely liberating to eat your favourite foods, and having a limited diet can be a huge burden. For me, it is a lose-lose situation.
Choosing to eat foods that trigger symptoms is a highly personal decision. Everyone will have different limits of what they consider to be an acceptable risk. If you choose to go down this route, remember to pace yourself. It may be helpful to plan in advance for an increase in symptoms. Give yourself space to rest and recover.
It is not always possible to adapt a ‘traditional’ Christmas dinner to meet your medical needs. Without changing any of your foods, you can still change the environment to make it festive! Use Christmas plates, drink (anything) from a fancy glass and play Christmas music. If you have a feeding tube, “tube tape” can come in various Christmas designs. It may be difficult to watch your family eating around you, but you deserve to have your needs met and be part of the festive fun.
Navigating sobriety during the festive season
Personally, I completely stopped drinking alcohol a couple of years ago. I did this for both physical and mental health reasons. For me, this was not difficult to do, but around Christmas time and New Year’s, it gets a little harder. It can often feel like there is more pressure to drink at these times – overdrinking is more acceptable.
If you are sober, there is a good chance you will get offered, or even pressured into having, a drink. You may need to advocate for yourself and explain why you will not be drinking. Open and honest discussions about alcohol use are important. That said, I appreciate that not all family members are supportive or understanding.
For some people, sobriety can be an extremely private and sensitive topic. It is okay if you are not comfortable disclosing details. Instead, you could give a vague (but acceptable) answer such as “it interacts with my medication”. As being sober is such a vast category, you may want to seek out specialist advice and support. The most important thing is keeping yourself safe and protecting your mental health.
Of course, many alcohol-free drinks exist. Many of these look and taste the same as alcohol, especially when poured into a nice glass. These can be a great stepping stone and allow you to engage in that environment without feeling so left out. It is up to you if you disclose whether your drink is alcohol-free or not.
It is also inevitable that you could get food and drinks as presents. This can be very frustrating, as it acts as a reminder of what you cannot eat. I cannot offer much of a solution to this.
In the UK, 1 in 6 households face food insecurity, and millions rely on food banks to get their next meal. If you get gifted something you cannot eat or drink, consider donating it to a food bank. A nice box of chocolates could make someone’s day! Usually, food banks prohibit donations of alcohol. Charities or community groups may want to use bottles as prizes for fundraisers.
As much as I’d want people to try to adapt things to make the best of it, you should still hold space for the thoughts and emotions that it brings up. It is valid to be angry and upset that you can’t take part or feel that you are missing out. So many of us struggle with this – you are not alone. From one disabled person to another, I hope you have a lovely Christmas in spite of all this.
Taylor (they/them) is an openly queer, disabled artist, writer and activist. Their content focuses on disability, mental health and LGBTQ+ issues. Their work can be found on their Instagram @flottacat.